Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in business relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a business relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a Business relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration or opinon. Shared values, working on projects, and passions become more significant in long-term business relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Looking good is always a plus but remember that attraction can wear  off and what do you have left the emotional state of attraction. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself, bad business ethics, emotionally unstable? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and integrity. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. Attraction becomes from the core person you are and will attract others that want to be associated with. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person which will attract others.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating.  An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve  a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties’ feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect.  We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgments based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship.  Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man is an Island’.

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway

45 year old Judy revealed in an anger management class that she was constantly angry at her husband.  When asked why, she revealed that the fact that she has a home based business that she is building has always conflicted with her on whether to spend time with her husband or to create a better quality of  life for the family.

She loved her husband but she also enjoyed what she was doing to contribute to the family. She felt he was create a better quality of life, more money and more time. However she resented her husband becoming more demanding and upset when she spent needed time with her business instead of being with him.

Judy revealed that she dealt with the situation by ignoring her husband when he expressed displeasure – with disastrous results. These included constant bickering and tension in the home as well as emotional distance from each other.

How much better the outcome would have been had Judy used basic skills of assertive communication.

What is assertive communication?

It is a way to communicate to your friends, your team and to your family your rights, feelings and needs- but in a good way. It is a method of letting peopel know where you stand on things and what your limits and boundaries are.

Assertive communication allows you to clarify communication and stand up for yourself without making things worse or getting a negative result or response from your team and loved ones.

Four Steps to Assertive Communication:

Step 1- Send clear messages

Turns out Judy had never clearly told her husband how she felt when he put pressure on her to spend time with him instead of her buisness. When she did discuss it, she hemmed, hawed and stammered with almost no eye contact.

As a result her husband was not getting a clear message. To communicate clearly, look at your posture and your facial expressions, as well as your hand and arm movements. Pay special attention to your tone of voice which can say volumes beyond your words. Research shows that Only 7% is conveyed in the words we use. 38% is conveyed in the voice, it’s quality, use of tone and inflections and 55% of communication is conveyed by the body language we use, i.e.; Use of eye contact, gestures and facial expressions.

Step 2 – Learn how to listen

Assertive people have developed their listening skills. While hearing is done with your ears, true listening is done with your heart. To be a better communicator, start by becoming a better listener. God has created us with one mouth but 2 ears and 2 eyes. That is what i calla clue! it is better to listen and see then it is to talk. Listen with your heart feel the emotions of others.

Much silence makes a powerful noise. proverb

Step 3 – Start the conversation with “I feel” rather than “you should.”

Words have tremendous power to determine how other people experience us, and how they respond to an issue. For this reason, people with good assertive communication skills focus on the problem behavior (and not the character of the person), stick to the point, don’t use labels, and make “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

Judy tried this with her husband and it worked very well.  Here is what she said: “Honey, I love you and want to be with you, but I also want to work to help contribute to the family. Could you get along without me for a hour or two a night? I’ll try to always be done by 8:30 PM.”

The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. Josh Billings

Step 4 – Acknowledge your part in the conflict or issue

Anger is often an escalating process, involving two people who create a negative feeling in each other, sometimes instantly and sometimes over a long period of time.

It is natural to blame another family member entirely for the problem, especially when we are angry or in a defensive mode.

But, once we return to normal, the assertive communicator is able to accept some of the responsibility for the conflict. This acceptance and acknowledgement of your contribution to the problem is an indication of emotional maturity and can create an entirely different atmosphere between conflicting issues.

Try saying the following things to promote communication:

- My reactions were too extreme. I’m sorry. – Even though I still feel I was right about the issue, my reaction wasn’t right and I apologize. – I never thought of things that way. – Let me start again in a different way. – I can see my part in all this.

To Judy’s delight, when she practiced saying some of these things to her husband in a loving way, he began changing too. Almost immediately, he became less demanding, more understanding, and more aligned with her so both of them could work the buisness together.

Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. J. Isham

Origin:  Who you are

A map has a starting point. Your origin is who you are right now. Most people when asked to introduce themselves would say, “Hi, I’m Jean and I am a 17-year old, senior highschool student.” It does not tell you about who Jean is; it only tells you her present preoccupation. To gain insights about yourself, you need to look closely at your beliefs, values, and principles aside from your economic, professional, cultural, and civil status. Moreover, you can also reflect on your experiences to give you insights on your good and not-so-good traits, skills, knowledge, strengths, and weaknesses. Upon introspection, Jean realized that she was highly motivated, generous, service-oriented, but impatient. Her inclination was in the biological-medical field. Furthermore, she believed that life must serve a purpose, and that wars were destructive to human dignity.

Destination: A vision of who you want to be

“Who do want to be?” this is your vision. Now it is important that you know yourself so that you would have a clearer idea of who you want to be; and the things you want to change whether they are attitudes, habits, or points of view. If you hardly know yourself, then your vision and targets for the future would also be unclear. Your destination should cover all the aspects of your being: the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Continuing Jean’s story, after she defined her beliefs, values, and principles in life, she decided that she wanted to have a life dedicated in serving her fellowmen.

Vehicle: Your Mission

A vehicle is the means by which you can reach your destination. It can be analogized to your mission or vocation in life. To a great extent, your mission would depend on what you know about yourself. Bases on Jean’s self-assessment, she decided that she was suited to become a doctor, and that she wanted to become one. Her chosen vocation was a medical doctor. Describing her vision-mission fully: it was to live a life dedicated to serving her fellowmen as a doctor in conflict-areas.

Travel Bag: Your knowledge, skills, and attitude

Food, drinks, medicines, and other travelling necessities are contained in a bag. Applying this concept to your life map, you also bring with you certain knowledge, skills, and attitudes. These determine your competence and help you in attaining your vision. Given such, there is a need for you to assess what knowledge, skills, and attitudes you have at present and what you need to gain along the way. This two-fold assessment will give you insights on your landmarks or measures of success. Jean realized that she needed to gain professional knowledge and skills on medicine so that she could become a doctor. She knew that she was a bit impatient with people so she realized that this was something she wanted to change.

Landmarks and Route: S.M.A.R.T. objectives

Landmarks confirm if you are on the right track while the route determines the travel time. Thus, in planning out your life, you also need to have landmarks and a route. These landmarks are your measures of success. These measures must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. Thus you cannot set two major landmarks such as earning a master’s degree and a doctorate degree within a period of three years, since the minimum number of years to complete a master’s degree is two years. Going back to Jean as an example, she identified the following landmarks in her life map: completing a bachelor’s degree in biology by the age of 21; completing medicine by the age of 27; earning her specialization in infectious diseases by the age of 30; getting deployed in local public hospitals of their town by the age of 32; and serving as doctor in war-torn areas by the age of 35.

Anticipate Turns, Detours, and Potholes

The purpose of your life map is to minimize hasty and spur-of-the-moment decisions that can make you lose your way. But oftentimes our plans are modified along the way due to some inconveniences, delays, and other situations beyond our control. Like in any path, there are turns, detours, and potholes thus; we must anticipate them and adjust accordingly.

Now is the time to believe as we move forward into a new year of opportunity 2010

Everyone has that earnest aspiration to succeed as we move into the new year.  One’s ability to establish and accomplish goals will mold one’s happiness and success over and above any skill one can ever realize. One can not hit the target when he can not see it.

The foundation and point of origin of success is that when one decides exactly what he/she really and truly want, in all aspects of his or her life.

If every individual has that yearning for winning, and if success is accessible to everybody, why then, only a few succeed?  This is because only a few believe in their potentials, and most of all, only a few started by defining and acknowledging a goal, and truly believe in their spirit and minds that they can achieve that goal.

Just wishing for something is so much different from being able and prepared to accept it. Nobody is ever prepared to accept anything until they truly believe that they can obtain it.

The mind must first be in a state of believing and not just hoping or wishing for something. An open mind is important in believing and a closed mind never inspires courage, faith or the power to believe.

Almost everyone had gone through difficult life encounters and experiences. These experiences and encounters usually define one’s existence, becoming important educators on life’s course. However, the enemy, which is that negative force within often would recognize these difficult experiences as symbols of thyself that one is not “good enough” in order to succeed.  Simply put, this is fear from within.

Fear, according to psychologists is normal and a natural line of attack focused to life’s adjustments and changes. Fear is what prevents one from doing “crazy or stupid things”; but it may be carried to a great extent. When one fears nothing, one can be considered as “mad” and “foolish” but then again, fear of almost everything, specially fear to take risks one can be considered as plain cowards. The enemy inside of you will tell you that your fear is reasonable when it is transitory.

As the mind dictates your fear, it also dictates your thoughts and your actions.

When you believe in your mind that relationships are complicated and demand so much effort, you will indeed attract those individuals who will cause difficulty in the relationship or demand a lot of effort from you. More significantly, when you worry regarding something that you essentially believe in negative outcomes, then so the result to your actions will be.

Of course, it does not  occur every time that you think and believe negatively, because Although there is worry and apprehension inside you, there is still, in that little corner of your heart, of your mind, that you hope for a positive result, so then, that power prevents disaster from happening. Yet worrying through and through, without a small spark of hope, then beware, disaster is sure to come!

However there is so much more to faith and believing than simply creating beliefs.  Possessing “positive beliefs” in the mind is the initial step towards making a positive outlook, resulting to a successful life.

Believing, take note is something entirely different. For instance you have “positive beliefs” with regards to money; at the same time, you believe that many ways are offered in order to acquire money. Yet if, for any reason you do not believe you will be able to make money, then you will not make that certain amount or sum of money that you want.

Getting through the fear, developing how you believe:

1. Your belief should be superior, exceeding fear. It will entail a lot of effort, but as much as you can, try to closely observe and listen inside of you, look around and see what is functioning well in your personal or business life and what is not. Small or great, profess your successes. Believe that you can reach great things and as early as now, begin counting your blessings.

2. Only believe in you, in the things that you can do, and not in the circumstances. You have to believe in only yourself because there will be times when you will be tempted to put your belief into something else such as a job, a friend or a particular opportunity. Although this could be nice, note that people and circumstances are changeable. Your success should be created by only you, and you alone can decide whether to change it or not.

3. Keep in mind that success will take some time and if ever you do fail, take it as an opportunity to learn and reassess your beliefs and your goals.

The powers of believing are very strong and affect our decisions, feelings, and actions. And although you have been depending on a specific set of supposition regarding your life for so many years, those particular beliefs can be adjusted or changed.

Start changing it now and start your 2010 by already winning!

An Exceptional Leader is one that recognizes the value of harnessing the qualities, skills and abilities of themselves and team members. When we know ourselves, we can maximize our positive traits, and become aware of our weaker areas, which help us to achieve our leadership potential. Once you understand and know yourself, next you must hone your skills. Only then can one lead their teams toward greatness.

Remember a leader is not a title and leadership is not something you are born into. Leadership is something you develop.

In order to be a great leader, one must possess various qualities, skills and abilities that will attract followers. The following qualities are just of few of the many qualities that are vital for effective leadership:

1. Charisma- charismatic leaders have the gift to touch people through their choice of words. Charismatic leaders are alluring, charming and can encourage followers to support a grand vision or idea.

2. Positive Attitude - A leader who has a positive attitude will influence his/her followers to carry that same attitude. A good example of a leader with a positive attitude could be a parent or teacher.

Mothers, fathers, or elementary teachers appear and are viewed as role models to the young children they are teaching and nurturing.

These role models are the first leaders they encounter in life. Children become very dependent of leaders because they are their vehicles to the outside world and provide much needed help and assistance.
If a parent is nurturing and loving to their child, they will thrive under this encouragement.

If a school teacher provides a positive learning experience to the child, they will succeed and that success will become contagious… In any circumstance, a leader’s positive attitude will have greater impact and influence on their followers.

3. Motivation - In an athletic world, a motivating leader could be a coach, trainer or even a fellow teammate. While the talent of players is a good determinant of a winning team, their coach is also an important factor.

If a coach can not produce a winning team, his job is at stake. A coach’s motivation involves infusing his players with high standards, and setting challenging but attainable goals as they perform well. Thus, his/her ability to motivate his players will enhance their performances.

Motivation also correlates with having a positive attitude. When a coach has a positive attitude and provides a positive environment for his players, then the team will most likely be motivated to move in his/her direction where ultimate success can be found.

4. Assertiveness - A leader has the responsibility to guide the direction of his or her company. When a leader is firm and assertive in delegating tasks to his subordinates, they will hold a greater respect to follow through on their assignments.

An assertive leader has the ability to convey enforcement without being too autocratic or threatening to their subordinates.

Furthermore, an assertive leader should not make his subordinates feel like they’re in a hostile environment. Instead, an assertive leader should respect his people, and require proper accountability at the same time. A leader’s assertiveness and confidence earns respect. With that respect, people are much more likely to follow, help, and emulate their leader to achieve success.

5. Communication - This is  not limited to your public speaking skills either. This includes your writing style and your body language. Your ability to communicate effectively enhances your ability to improve interpersonal relationships.

6. Teaching and learning behaviors - This important skill is to learn how to learn. Examine different teaching methods and learning styles to identify how you and those you may lead learn best. This skill will greatly enhance your ability to make decisions and give clear instructions.

7. Self-improvement - Constent self-improvement is part of being a great leader. Self improvement and success go hand in hand to being a great leader. One must constantly strive to improve themselves and teach others to do the same. The reality is that throughout our lives we are all constantly growing and developing. Circumstances make us grow and develop, even if we do not make the conscious decision to do so.  I have never met someone with great wealth or great leadership that did not have some type of outstanding library in self-development.

Some believe that if only they had more money they could have whatever they want and be on their way to self improvement.  The reality is unless you are ready for leadership and great wealth you will not be able to handled it. A great example of this is looking at everyone that has won the lottery. All of them have acquired great wealth by chance  however over 90% of them are dead broke and have claimed bankruptcy.

If we are to learn anything from experience this is at the top of the list “Self Improvement” Teach your team the importance of self-improvement and how important it is to there success.

I believe that the qualities, skills and abilities above are a must to be a great “Do It First Leader“.

So I want to end with this, a quote which i believe says it all. This quote is by Dr. Ken Blanchard, from his book “The Heart of A Leader” ;

“If you want to know why your people are not performing well, step up to the mirror and take a peek.”

“A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens.”
- Michael Eyquem De Montaigne

On my way home from a meeting I came across a very playful dog and his owner. The dog’s tail was wagging and he was jumping up and down with excitement. He was excited to meet the strangers around him and was running around without a worry in the world. The owner was excited to play with him and he was smiling and laughing as the dog jumped up and down to show his affection.

 In the everyday world, there are people trapped in an environment of ‘stinking thinking’; living life based on their negative attitude. As I sat there watching this happy dog run around I could not help but think about how a person’s attitude controls their actions and their outlook on life. There are two sides of attitude: the negative and positive sides. Most people choose to live in the negative. Why is this? Why is that people choose to live in that mindset? Is it because they don’t know better? I don’t think so.

 The reason I ask these questions is because the dog I was watching had only 3 legs, yet it played like it had four. So many times I’ve come across people who place so much blame on the world or society around them that they live their lives in the ‘poor me’ mindset, or the negative side of attitude.

 As I sat there contemplating this, I began to realize that dogs do not let things affect them, no matter what happens. I have never seen a dog down on life, have you? I’m sure that dogs that are mistreated may fear people but, even then, they still will be loyal to their master and when they meet nice people they’re excited and happy. Of course dogs have different moods, sickness, laziness, and are protective just as humans are but they never let life get them down, no matter what. This dog did not look at his handicap as a negative outcome.

I believe one of the reasons they’re never affected by the negative of society is because they don’t know any better; no choice, no problem. They don’t know they have the choice. They associate life as happy and fun. They don’t realize they can be negative or mad at the world. Even if nature has played a cruel trick on them, they just go with it. Just like this dog.

So I ask you, why can’t we live like this dog? Even though it’s a doggy dog world out there, we don’t need to live in the negativity of blame and it should not control our attitude or stop us from getting the most out of life.

Our attitude is not determined by circumstances, but by how we respond to the circumstances. Our mind determines our attitude. We control our mind. We have a choice to either respond positively or negatively. Your life is not determined by what life brings you but how you bring your attitude to life. Like the dog, it is how we react to everything around us that determines our attitude. No matter how bad it may seem, there is always a better side to a negative attitude.

This article gives a short answer to each of these important questions. Along with some of the response I got back from the world of Facebook.

What is a true Leader?

- A leader is a person who sees something that needs to be done, knows that they can help make it happen, and gets started.
- A leader sees opportunity and captures it.
- A leader sees a future that can be different and better, and helps others see that picture too.
- A leader knows they can’t do it alone.
- A leader is a coach.
- A leader is an encourager.
- A leader views change as their ally.
- A leader is willing to take risks today for something better tomorrow.
- A leader is a learner.
- A leader is a communicator.
- A leader is a coordinator.
- A leader is a listener.
- A leader takes a long view – letting their vision keep their daily steps on track.
- A leader is passionate.
- A leader motivates and inspires.
- A leader values results.
- A leader cares about more than results though; they care about those who are following there lead.
- A leader makes a difference in the lives of others.
- A leader is all of these things and much more.

If Your Actions Inspire Others To Dream More, Learn More, Do More, And Become More, You Are A Leader. “John Quincy Adams”

Are People Born Leaders?

FACEBOOK Friends — Yes in deed People are born Leaders and then they’re taught and conditioned to believe otherwise. John Di Lemme says “Champions are born Losers are made” “Sly Corley”

FACEBOOK Friends — Yup! I’ve never met a leader in the grave “Robin Viray”

FACEBOOK Friends — It Depends. Everyone is born with specific gifts and talents if being a leader is one , then that gift would need the right nourishing, training to help enhance the effectiveness. “Kevin Williams”

FACEBOOK Friends — No they are born and become leaders. Unless they are twins when one comes out they can look back and see he or she is being followed. They are a leader. “Justin Murphy”

FACEBOOK Friends — People are sheep. They follow. Mostly. What are we doing next, sir? “Mark Bock”

Sure they are – I mean everyone is born, right?

You might say that riddle-like answer misses the point. You say the real answer is that some people are truly born to lead. And I would reply that your common statement implies that others aren’t born to be leaders.

So let’s examine that difference of opinion…

When people describe someone as a “born leader” they typically mean that the person is motivating, a good communicator and charismatic. And it is true; some people are blessed at birth with more natural ability in these ways.

But leaders can be great with different innate characteristics as well.

And there is no single small skill set that defines the perfect leader or guarantees success. Everyone is born with a unique set of natural abilities. And all of us can develop skills and styles to complement those natural abilities.

Leaders Are Made; They Are Not Born. They Are Made By Hard Effort, Which Is The Price Which All Of Us Must Pay To Achieve Any Goal That Is Worthwhile . “Vincent Lombardi”

Who is a Leader?

FACEBOOK Friends — Everyone is a leader… it’s just that many people are not aware of it. If a person is the head of a family, you’re a leader. If you coach a sports team, you’re a leader. If a person is responsible for others, you’re a leader. leadership comes in many atmospheres and is handled differently for different situations but it is the knowledge and wisdom of GOD that makes leadership effective look at Solomon. I Am A Leader! “Kevin Williams”

FACEBOOK Friends — The leader is the one the others follow without question. “Rick Hoening”

FACEBOOK Friends — A person with the knowledge, integrity and vision to help others achieve their goals. “Steven Brokman”

FACEBOOK Friends — We all are leaders. If we haven’t realized our potential, we may think we’re not, but if you have ANY ability to influence, you’re a leader. So Mike, I’m a leader. “Brian Goodwin”

This question on the surface is the easiest question I’ve asked so far. After all, I’ve already given some examples.

People in certain roles are leaders, whether they’ve studied for the role, like a doctor, lawyer, teacher or minister… got elected to the role, like a county councilman, mayor, Senator or President… or worked up the through the organization like a supervisor, manager, Vice President or CEO. You can ask most anyone the question “Who is a leader?” and those are the kinds of answers they will give you. They are right, of course. But they are only partially right. Leaders aren’t leaders because of a job title.

Leaders are leaders because they lead. This brings me back to the question above – “Are people born leaders?” Yes they are. But it isn’t just a few that have been hand picked by our Creator or random genetics.

We have all been picked – genetics has selected us all. We were all born to lead, in our own way. We may not be the Chairman of the Board. We may not be the person on the stage. We may not lead with oratory or flair. We may lead by compassion. We may lead by example.

We all can lead. We all have the ability to be remarkable leaders. Leadership isn’t about position. Leadership isn’t about power. Leadership is about potential – your potential.

What Makes A Great Leader?

FACEBOOK Friends — Someone who has the talent to connect with Others. “Wil Ogihara Gamboa”

FACEBOOK Friends — Humility + servant hood, vision + values “Robin Viray”

FACEBOOK Friends — Mike an employee has the Machete and is cutting the path through the forest. The manager is behind them making sure the blades are sharp. The leader is next to them at the top of the tallest tree making sure they are going the right direction. “Rick Silva”

FACEBOOK Friends — A leader establishes and clearly articulates the vision, thereby providing the model by which others can achieve it. The leader then supports the activity of others through reinforcement of the parameters of the vision to make sure everyone stays “on track”. “Kevin Bunn”

FACEBOOK Friends — I like honesty, integrity, and responsibility in a leader. If they know how they tell you; if they don’t they have the courage to admit it. It is pretty simple isn’t it. “Hg Smith”

A great cloud of jargon, debate, and junk theory surrounds the idea of leadership, what it is, who does it, and how to do it well. But if you have just been promoted, and you’re responsible for a group for the first time, there are only a few things you really need to know about leadership.

When you decide to play the role or become responsible for the performance of a group you become a leader. But you don’t undergo some magical change. In fact, it will probably take you over a year to completely adjust to your new role.

You’re a leader because the people in your group treat you like one. The only choice you have is what kind of leader you’ll be.

I believe that leadership is built out of a combination of strategy and great character. However If I was to choose which one you should be without I would have to say that strategy would be the one to be with out.

Before You Can Inspire With Emotion, You Must Be Swamped With It Yourself.

Before You Can Move Their Tears, Your Own Must Flow.

To Convince Them, You Must Yourself Believe.

“Sir Winston Churchill”

When you become a leader your power actually goes down. As an individual contributor, you just have to decide to work harder, longer or smarter to improve performance. When you’re responsible for the performance of a group, the group is your destiny. They choose whether to act or not.

When you become a leader, your influence goes up. The people who work for you pay attention to what you say and do. They adjust their behavior accordingly.

The result is that you use your behavior (what you say and do) to influence the behavior of the people who work for you to achieve a defined objective.

Leadership Is Practiced Not So Much In Words As In Attitude And In Actions. “Harold S. Geneen”

Achieving the objective is part of your job as a leader. The other part is caring for your people. It may be possible to achieve good short term results without caring for your people. But you can’t achieve long term success for you or your company without the willing cooperation of the best folks you can find.

At the end of the day, you can measure your leadership based on those two standards. Did we accomplish what we have set out to do? Are the members of my group better off today than yesterday?

The Real Leader Has No Need To Lead – He Is Content To Point The Way. “Henry Miller”

Why Does Leadership Matter?

FACEBOOK Friends — Leadership Makes Champions! “Fari Shields”

FACEBOOK Friends — Without leadership there is no one to follow, no one to learn from. With out a leader your team has no direction! “Justin Murphy”

FACEBOOK Friends — Leaders get the 1st pick “Peter Saparito”

FACEBOOK Friends — Without leaders, people perish “Robin Viray”

FACEBOOK Friends — A leader has been defined as one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. “Sandra D Brokman”

Parents universally hope that their children develop leadership qualities. They know that leaders are people who are effective in what they do, are respected by others, and typically rewarded for those skills in a variety of ways. It is in these formative years that, through our parents, we first see leadership as desirable and important.

As young people we look up to people around us that motivate and listen to us; people that seem like “real-life” heroes. We consider these people leaders.

The Best Method For Estimating The Intelligence Of A Ruler Is To Look At The Men He Has Around Him. “Niccolo Machiavelli ”

As we grow we begin to relate leaders to their jobs – ministers, successful business owners, entrepreneurs, teachers, police officers. And later Mayors, Presidents, and CEO’s . . .

As adults all of these thoughts and experiences define why we think leaders have desirable traits and play roles we admire (and why we desire these things for our children).

All of these experiences and thoughts help us define why leadership matters – it matters because leaders make a difference and can shape the future. It matters because leaders are valued and valuable. In everyone’s mind leadership, especially when it is good, matters. It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep than it is to have a sheep at the head of an army of lions.

Leadership Is Getting Someone To Do What They Don’t Want To Do To Achieve What They Want To Achieve. “Tom Landry”

Now the Big Question, WHAT ABOUT YOU?

My answers to the five questions above lead to only a question for you to answer…

Do YOU want to be a Leader?

Do YOU see YOURSELF as a Leader?

Do Others see YOU as a Leader?

Do YOU feel that you are a Leader?

Your opportunities for leadership are endless. The rewards are boundless.

When, Where or How Will YOU Lead?

I believe YOU are a leader. Claim it and believe this to be true, for it is. Stake your claim and make a difference in the world around you.

Start With The Premise That The Function Of Leadership Is To Produce More Leaders, Not More Followers. Ralph Nader

Thoughts have the power to affect each one and the life that one lives.

One’s thoughts are very vital tools in creating and shaping the reality that one experiences. Thoughts are responsible for the creation of one’s emotional state, affecting the body, health and one’s daily living in general, influencing one’s responses to relationships and to life and  determine one’s choices.

The power of your thought can enable reality, and all realities. This reality however at times often will have one accept otherwise. Believing that your fate lies in other people’s hands and to the things beyond one’s control, then one looses that basic power granted to him, which is the very power or capability to create.

Loosing this power, one then makes it easier for other persons to change and manipulate one’s own world into that which others want it to be, instead of transforming it yourself into that of what you really want it to be. Bear in mind, you and only you have that right and that power to make your world.

Creating or rewriting one’s own reality will never imply as one being a success in the financial aspect of success. Being poor or rich is not the requirement of this state; however, maintaining a positive and healthy attitude is very much the prerequisite.

Remember that every successes stems or results from one’s own capability to attract the positive character of one’s divine Father. One must recognize that every incident that one lives through is intentionally created for one’s enlightenment.

Although one has been deceived in succession, one’s illusion constantly builds up like prison gates simply because one was unsuccessful to retrieve the life force of happiness. One must concentrate on certain things that guarantee a positive concept of success.  The powerful reason for this is that inside a negative energy compartment, it sustains and encourages only negative energy.

Energy streams where it is recognized. A negative energy should stream to its source in order to be alive. So much like gasoline set on fire. Fire is attracted to gasoline until such time that fire consumes everything and dies out. 
It will not live without something assisting in its formation. Take note that fire will wipe out everything provided that there is still energy feeding it.  The moment that fires sustenance is gone, then fire should, by law of nature, distinguish itself.

It is this exact law that exists in every person’s thoughts. The energy one produces will feed on the equivalent energy that is in existent in that certain thought.  Negative thoughts feeds on negative energy, in the same manner that positive thoughts attract and feed on positive energy.

The more negative thought that one has, the more that he creates negative energy all around him. This negative energy in time will build up enormously around one’s life for so many miles literally.

That explains why some individuals have negative incidents attached to them.  Certain facets go on haunting certain individuals for years to such point that these individuals feels that they are born unlucky or that they are cursed. When in fact, they have created this negative energy and have accumulated so much, feeding them off. 

You have the power to rewrite this reality, this negative energy that you have nourished.  Defeat it with pleasant, positive and inspiring thoughts, all the time, every time.  Continuously doing so will distinguish the negative fire within. 

Here are simple ways to rewrite your thoughts and your reality:

1.  There is a need and a must to change your beliefs and attitude concerning your present reality.  Shift your attention and focus in the direction that you believe can bring you more success and peace.  Turn negative thoughts into positive ones; whenever a negative thought enters your mind, block it off instantly with a positive thought. 

2.   Create an image or think of the new and positive reality that you want to achieve and focus on it constantly; should there is a need for you to decide on a certain aspect in your life, refer to that image, to help you in your decision making. 

3.  Heal all your negative thoughts.  Look inside you and determine what needs to be done and what you want to do.  Keep on focusing to that reality that you want to achieve and never be afraid to take the steps towards it.  Remember, fear is negative.

Wanting to succeed above every circumstance in your life, means using the power of your thoughts to make the reality that you want.  Focus your attention to the thoughts and images that you want to project, that you want to achieve; this, combined with that passionate feeling deep inside you, your thoughts will be able to bring forth what you truly desire.

People are being held back from success usually because of fear of success.

When in doubt it brings us down by lowering our confidence and self-esteem. Being afraid of failure to succeed is the most common fear we have.

Once you realize what is causing your fear, you can move to techniques of self-talk to change the conditions. Fear affects the mind and body causing us to let ourselves down as well as others around us.

Never doubt the potential ability a human spirit has to find a way to overcome fear and obstacles in its path, no matter how challenging it may be. Where faith, prayer, determination, patience, and the belief that you can do anything with persistence the supernatural becomes part of your world and everything becomes capable.

The link below shows how one can overcome fears way beyond what we can comprehend. You will be amazed at the abilities that one can create when face with fear and obstacles like this one boy in the video has.  This video is one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen.

Do not let fear control your life. I am sure Ben Underwood had allot of Self-talk both positive and negative however he chose the path to program his mind to have positive Self-talk. You, like Ben can use Self-talk to help you do anything you want when your using positive thinking. Some people are afraid to climb over a fence. To overcome this fear of going over the fence, tell yourself you can do it. Face it and force yourself to go over the fence to the other side. Overcoming a fear systematically and self-talk your way through each step will help you to accomplish this fear. Think positive that you can and will do it to succeed. 

Tell yourself that you are in control of your life and fear is not going to get in the way.  Once you get over the fence, you will gain self-confidence and self-esteem because you told yourself you could do this and you did. 

Self-confidence and esteem will help you to overcome other fears as it grows. Once you manage to overcome one fear the next one will be easier because you did it once now you can do it again to get where you want to go in order to succeed. Take control, gain self-confidence with positive thinking, and self-talk.

Use positive thinking and self-talk to learn the techniques of reprogramming your mind to think positive. Do not let your conscious and subconscious tell you that something cannot be done. If you think positive instead of the negative things, you will soon learn that you can do anything you want and succeed by being positive.

Challenge your fears and work your way through the process by being positive. Do you think as Ben Underwood ran from his fears? Do not run from your fears of success.  Make a decision that you can and will become the master at overcoming any fear of success or a certain fear. 

In order to become the person you want to be in the future you need to be positive and overcome the fact that you failed once because of thinking negative things. Gaining self-control and thinking process will reprogram you; mind and soon you will be positive thinking and will not even realize it.

Tell yourself that you will take control to unburden your mind and body.  You take all the good and bad things in life with positive thinking. Use positive thinking and self-talking to stay in control. Tell yourself that with confidence and self-esteem you can master anything as Ben Underwood has. 

 We need to be positive in today’s world and fight the fears of everyday life. Everyday something happens and if we are thinking negative things, all the time our fears will increase and than we lose, self control. Most importantly what you think shall be. You make it true!

We learn from making mistakes and being positive that we can overcome something we can learn from our mistakes and keep them from happening again. Mistakes make all of us a better person for tomorrow. Imagine for a moment the learning curve that Ben Underwood had to go through. Each step was a journey of over coming fears and obstacles to make misstates and learn from them. Ben Underwood self talked taught him to fight and have a positive attitude towards not allowing his handicap to keep him from experiencing life to the fullest.

Being positive will strengthen your confidence and self-esteem to be the person you have always wanted to be.

Direct yourself to take control to disencumber your mind and body. Take the good with the bad and learn how to make it positive. Blurting out to yourself with positive thoughts and inner strength you can be in console. Express yourself with confidence and self-honor so that you can master all obstacles that come your way.