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Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in business relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a business relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a Business relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration or opinon. Shared values, working on projects, and passions become more significant in long-term business relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Looking good is always a plus but remember that attraction can wear  off and what do you have left the emotional state of attraction. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself, bad business ethics, emotionally unstable? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and integrity. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. Attraction becomes from the core person you are and will attract others that want to be associated with. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person which will attract others.

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When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway

45 year old Judy revealed in an anger management class that she was constantly angry at her husband.  When asked why, she revealed that the fact that she has a home based business that she is building has always conflicted with her on whether to spend time with her husband or to create a better quality of  life for the family.

She loved her husband but she also enjoyed what she was doing to contribute to the family. She felt he was create a better quality of life, more money and more time. However she resented her husband becoming more demanding and upset when she spent needed time with her business instead of being with him.

Judy revealed that she dealt with the situation by ignoring her husband when he expressed displeasure – with disastrous results. These included constant bickering and tension in the home as well as emotional distance from each other.

How much better the outcome would have been had Judy used basic skills of assertive communication.

What is assertive communication?

It is a way to communicate to your friends, your team and to your family your rights, feelings and needs- but in a good way. It is a method of letting peopel know where you stand on things and what your limits and boundaries are.

Assertive communication allows you to clarify communication and stand up for yourself without making things worse or getting a negative result or response from your team and loved ones.

Four Steps to Assertive Communication:

Step 1- Send clear messages

Turns out Judy had never clearly told her husband how she felt when he put pressure on her to spend time with him instead of her buisness. When she did discuss it, she hemmed, hawed and stammered with almost no eye contact.

As a result her husband was not getting a clear message. To communicate clearly, look at your posture and your facial expressions, as well as your hand and arm movements. Pay special attention to your tone of voice which can say volumes beyond your words. Research shows that Only 7% is conveyed in the words we use. 38% is conveyed in the voice, it’s quality, use of tone and inflections and 55% of communication is conveyed by the body language we use, i.e.; Use of eye contact, gestures and facial expressions.

Step 2 – Learn how to listen

Assertive people have developed their listening skills. While hearing is done with your ears, true listening is done with your heart. To be a better communicator, start by becoming a better listener. God has created us with one mouth but 2 ears and 2 eyes. That is what i calla clue! it is better to listen and see then it is to talk. Listen with your heart feel the emotions of others.

Much silence makes a powerful noise. proverb

Step 3 – Start the conversation with “I feel” rather than “you should.”

Words have tremendous power to determine how other people experience us, and how they respond to an issue. For this reason, people with good assertive communication skills focus on the problem behavior (and not the character of the person), stick to the point, don’t use labels, and make “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

Judy tried this with her husband and it worked very well.  Here is what she said: “Honey, I love you and want to be with you, but I also want to work to help contribute to the family. Could you get along without me for a hour or two a night? I’ll try to always be done by 8:30 PM.”

The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. Josh Billings

Step 4 – Acknowledge your part in the conflict or issue

Anger is often an escalating process, involving two people who create a negative feeling in each other, sometimes instantly and sometimes over a long period of time.

It is natural to blame another family member entirely for the problem, especially when we are angry or in a defensive mode.

But, once we return to normal, the assertive communicator is able to accept some of the responsibility for the conflict. This acceptance and acknowledgement of your contribution to the problem is an indication of emotional maturity and can create an entirely different atmosphere between conflicting issues.

Try saying the following things to promote communication:

– My reactions were too extreme. I’m sorry. – Even though I still feel I was right about the issue, my reaction wasn’t right and I apologize. – I never thought of things that way. – Let me start again in a different way. – I can see my part in all this.

To Judy’s delight, when she practiced saying some of these things to her husband in a loving way, he began changing too. Almost immediately, he became less demanding, more understanding, and more aligned with her so both of them could work the buisness together.

Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. J. Isham

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Success is more than economic gains, titles, and degrees. Planning for success is about mapping out all the aspects of your life. Similar to a map, you need to define the following details: origin, destination, vehicle, backpack, landmarks, and route.

Origin:  Who you are

A map has a starting point. Your origin is who you are right now. Most people when asked to introduce themselves would say, “Hi, I’m Jean and I am a 17-year old, senior highschool student.” It does not tell you about who Jean is; it only tells you her present preoccupation. To gain insights about yourself, you need to look closely at your beliefs, values, and principles aside from your economic, professional, cultural, and civil status. Moreover, you can also reflect on your experiences to give you insights on your good and not-so-good traits, skills, knowledge, strengths, and weaknesses. Upon introspection, Jean realized that she was highly motivated, generous, service-oriented, but impatient. Her inclination was in the biological-medical field. Furthermore, she believed that life must serve a purpose, and that wars were destructive to human dignity.

Destination: A vision of who you want to be

“Who do want to be?” this is your vision. Now it is important that you know yourself so that you would have a clearer idea of who you want to be; and the things you want to change whether they are attitudes, habits, or points of view. If you hardly know yourself, then your vision and targets for the future would also be unclear. Your destination should cover all the aspects of your being: the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Continuing Jean’s story, after she defined her beliefs, values, and principles in life, she decided that she wanted to have a life dedicated in serving her fellowmen.

Vehicle: Your Mission

A vehicle is the means by which you can reach your destination. It can be analogized to your mission or vocation in life. To a great extent, your mission would depend on what you know about yourself. Bases on Jean’s self-assessment, she decided that she was suited to become a doctor, and that she wanted to become one. Her chosen vocation was a medical doctor. Describing her vision-mission fully: it was to live a life dedicated to serving her fellowmen as a doctor in conflict-areas.

Travel Bag: Your knowledge, skills, and attitude

Food, drinks, medicines, and other travelling necessities are contained in a bag. Applying this concept to your life map, you also bring with you certain knowledge, skills, and attitudes. These determine your competence and help you in attaining your vision. Given such, there is a need for you to assess what knowledge, skills, and attitudes you have at present and what you need to gain along the way. This two-fold assessment will give you insights on your landmarks or measures of success. Jean realized that she needed to gain professional knowledge and skills on medicine so that she could become a doctor. She knew that she was a bit impatient with people so she realized that this was something she wanted to change.

Landmarks and Route: S.M.A.R.T. objectives

Landmarks confirm if you are on the right track while the route determines the travel time. Thus, in planning out your life, you also need to have landmarks and a route. These landmarks are your measures of success. These measures must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time bound. Thus you cannot set two major landmarks such as earning a master’s degree and a doctorate degree within a period of three years, since the minimum number of years to complete a master’s degree is two years. Going back to Jean as an example, she identified the following landmarks in her life map: completing a bachelor’s degree in biology by the age of 21; completing medicine by the age of 27; earning her specialization in infectious diseases by the age of 30; getting deployed in local public hospitals of their town by the age of 32; and serving as doctor in war-torn areas by the age of 35.

Anticipate Turns, Detours, and Potholes

The purpose of your life map is to minimize hasty and spur-of-the-moment decisions that can make you lose your way. But oftentimes our plans are modified along the way due to some inconveniences, delays, and other situations beyond our control. Like in any path, there are turns, detours, and potholes thus; we must anticipate them and adjust accordingly.

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Now is the time to believe as we move forward into a new year of opportunity 2010

Everyone has that earnest aspiration to succeed as we move into the new year.  One’s ability to establish and accomplish goals will mold one’s happiness and success over and above any skill one can ever realize. One can not hit the target when he can not see it.

The foundation and point of origin of success is that when one decides exactly what he/she really and truly want, in all aspects of his or her life.

If every individual has that yearning for winning, and if success is accessible to everybody, why then, only a few succeed?  This is because only a few believe in their potentials, and most of all, only a few started by defining and acknowledging a goal, and truly believe in their spirit and minds that they can achieve that goal.

Just wishing for something is so much different from being able and prepared to accept it. Nobody is ever prepared to accept anything until they truly believe that they can obtain it.

The mind must first be in a state of believing and not just hoping or wishing for something. An open mind is important in believing and a closed mind never inspires courage, faith or the power to believe.

Almost everyone had gone through difficult life encounters and experiences. These experiences and encounters usually define one’s existence, becoming important educators on life’s course. However, the enemy, which is that negative force within often would recognize these difficult experiences as symbols of thyself that one is not “good enough” in order to succeed.  Simply put, this is fear from within.

Fear, according to psychologists is normal and a natural line of attack focused to life’s adjustments and changes. Fear is what prevents one from doing “crazy or stupid things”; but it may be carried to a great extent. When one fears nothing, one can be considered as “mad” and “foolish” but then again, fear of almost everything, specially fear to take risks one can be considered as plain cowards. The enemy inside of you will tell you that your fear is reasonable when it is transitory.

As the mind dictates your fear, it also dictates your thoughts and your actions.

When you believe in your mind that relationships are complicated and demand so much effort, you will indeed attract those individuals who will cause difficulty in the relationship or demand a lot of effort from you. More significantly, when you worry regarding something that you essentially believe in negative outcomes, then so the result to your actions will be.

Of course, it does not  occur every time that you think and believe negatively, because Although there is worry and apprehension inside you, there is still, in that little corner of your heart, of your mind, that you hope for a positive result, so then, that power prevents disaster from happening. Yet worrying through and through, without a small spark of hope, then beware, disaster is sure to come!

However there is so much more to faith and believing than simply creating beliefs.  Possessing “positive beliefs” in the mind is the initial step towards making a positive outlook, resulting to a successful life.

Believing, take note is something entirely different. For instance you have “positive beliefs” with regards to money; at the same time, you believe that many ways are offered in order to acquire money. Yet if, for any reason you do not believe you will be able to make money, then you will not make that certain amount or sum of money that you want.

Getting through the fear, developing how you believe:

1. Your belief should be superior, exceeding fear. It will entail a lot of effort, but as much as you can, try to closely observe and listen inside of you, look around and see what is functioning well in your personal or business life and what is not. Small or great, profess your successes. Believe that you can reach great things and as early as now, begin counting your blessings.

2. Only believe in you, in the things that you can do, and not in the circumstances. You have to believe in only yourself because there will be times when you will be tempted to put your belief into something else such as a job, a friend or a particular opportunity. Although this could be nice, note that people and circumstances are changeable. Your success should be created by only you, and you alone can decide whether to change it or not.

3. Keep in mind that success will take some time and if ever you do fail, take it as an opportunity to learn and reassess your beliefs and your goals.

The powers of believing are very strong and affect our decisions, feelings, and actions. And although you have been depending on a specific set of supposition regarding your life for so many years, those particular beliefs can be adjusted or changed.

Start changing it now and start your 2010 by already winning!

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“A man is not hurt so much by what happens, as by his opinion of what happens.”
– Michael Eyquem De Montaigne

On my way home from a meeting I came across a very playful dog and his owner. The dog’s tail was wagging and he was jumping up and down with excitement. He was excited to meet the strangers around him and was running around without a worry in the world. The owner was excited to play with him and he was smiling and laughing as the dog jumped up and down to show his affection.

 In the everyday world, there are people trapped in an environment of ‘stinking thinking’; living life based on their negative attitude. As I sat there watching this happy dog run around I could not help but think about how a person’s attitude controls their actions and their outlook on life. There are two sides of attitude: the negative and positive sides. Most people choose to live in the negative. Why is this? Why is that people choose to live in that mindset? Is it because they don’t know better? I don’t think so.

 The reason I ask these questions is because the dog I was watching had only 3 legs, yet it played like it had four. So many times I’ve come across people who place so much blame on the world or society around them that they live their lives in the ‘poor me’ mindset, or the negative side of attitude.

 As I sat there contemplating this, I began to realize that dogs do not let things affect them, no matter what happens. I have never seen a dog down on life, have you? I’m sure that dogs that are mistreated may fear people but, even then, they still will be loyal to their master and when they meet nice people they’re excited and happy. Of course dogs have different moods, sickness, laziness, and are protective just as humans are but they never let life get them down, no matter what. This dog did not look at his handicap as a negative outcome.

I believe one of the reasons they’re never affected by the negative of society is because they don’t know any better; no choice, no problem. They don’t know they have the choice. They associate life as happy and fun. They don’t realize they can be negative or mad at the world. Even if nature has played a cruel trick on them, they just go with it. Just like this dog.

So I ask you, why can’t we live like this dog? Even though it’s a doggy dog world out there, we don’t need to live in the negativity of blame and it should not control our attitude or stop us from getting the most out of life.

Our attitude is not determined by circumstances, but by how we respond to the circumstances. Our mind determines our attitude. We control our mind. We have a choice to either respond positively or negatively. Your life is not determined by what life brings you but how you bring your attitude to life. Like the dog, it is how we react to everything around us that determines our attitude. No matter how bad it may seem, there is always a better side to a negative attitude.

 

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Thoughts have the power to affect each one and the life that one lives.

realityOne’s thoughts are very vital tools in creating and shaping the reality that one experiences. Thoughts are responsible for the creation of one’s emotional state, affecting the body, health and one’s daily living in general, influencing one’s responses to relationships and to life and  determine one’s choices.

The power of your thought can enable reality, and all realities. This reality however at times often will have one accept otherwise. Believing that your fate lies in other people’s hands and to the things beyond one’s control, then one looses that basic power granted to him, which is the very power or capability to create.

Loosing this power, one then makes it easier for other persons to change and manipulate one’s own world into that which others want it to be, instead of transforming it yourself into that of what you really want it to be. Bear in mind, you and only you have that right and that power to make your world.

Creating or rewriting one’s own reality will never imply as one being a success in the financial aspect of success. Being poor or rich is not the requirement of this state; however, maintaining a positive and healthy attitude is very much the prerequisite.

Remember that every successes stems or results from one’s own capability to attract the positive character of one’s divine Father. One must recognize that every incident that one lives through is intentionally created for one’s enlightenment.

Although one has been deceived in succession, one’s illusion constantly builds up like prison gates simply because one was unsuccessful to retrieve the life force of happiness. One must concentrate on certain things that guarantee a positive concept of success.  The powerful reason for this is that inside a negative energy compartment, it sustains and encourages only negative energy.

Energy streams where it is recognized. A negative energy should stream to its source in order to be alive. So much like gasoline set on fire. Fire is attracted to gasoline until such time that fire consumes everything and dies out. 
It will not live without something assisting in its formation. Take note that fire will wipe out everything provided that there is still energy feeding it.  The moment that fires sustenance is gone, then fire should, by law of nature, distinguish itself.

It is this exact law that exists in every person’s thoughts. The energy one produces will feed on the equivalent energy that is in existent in that certain thought.  Negative thoughts feeds on negative energy, in the same manner that positive thoughts attract and feed on positive energy.

The more negative thought that one has, the more that he creates negative energy all around him. This negative energy in time will build up enormously around one’s life for so many miles literally.

That explains why some individuals have negative incidents attached to them.  Certain facets go on haunting certain individuals for years to such point that these individuals feels that they are born unlucky or that they are cursed. When in fact, they have created this negative energy and have accumulated so much, feeding them off. 

You have the power to rewrite this reality, this negative energy that you have nourished.  Defeat it with pleasant, positive and inspiring thoughts, all the time, every time.  Continuously doing so will distinguish the negative fire within. 

Here are simple ways to rewrite your thoughts and your reality:

1.  There is a need and a must to change your beliefs and attitude concerning your present reality.  Shift your attention and focus in the direction that you believe can bring you more success and peace.  Turn negative thoughts into positive ones; whenever a negative thought enters your mind, block it off instantly with a positive thought. 

2.   Create an image or think of the new and positive reality that you want to achieve and focus on it constantly; should there is a need for you to decide on a certain aspect in your life, refer to that image, to help you in your decision making. 

3.  Heal all your negative thoughts.  Look inside you and determine what needs to be done and what you want to do.  Keep on focusing to that reality that you want to achieve and never be afraid to take the steps towards it.  Remember, fear is negative.

Wanting to succeed above every circumstance in your life, means using the power of your thoughts to make the reality that you want.  Focus your attention to the thoughts and images that you want to project, that you want to achieve; this, combined with that passionate feeling deep inside you, your thoughts will be able to bring forth what you truly desire.

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Consider this. Having the right skills will get you far in this business. But with the wrong attitude, how long do you think your personal finance in MLM will stay that way? As with all aspects in life, there are things needed in life beside attitudeknow-how’s.

So it is not really surprising that in the world of MLM, attitude is the strongest determinant of your personal finance success.

Business structure, compensation plan, product and training systems are all important. But without the right attitude, they are just tools lying unused in a tool box – they don’t end up building any real-time personal finance in MLM.

It makes sense for those who are just new to building personal finance in MLM to focus on this all-important aspect. That is, if they want to be successful.

The only question left is what kind of attitude you should focus on.

Be coachable.

There’s no quicker way to fail in the world of MLM personal finance than to walk into a business assuming you already know what is going to work and what would not.

It is true that different people have different strengths. And different methods work better for some than for others. But it is important to remember that if great profits have been made in MLM personal finance, it can be done again.

Get alongside as many of your successful upline as you can. Ask them how you can make your business work, listen to what they say, and then follow through on their suggestions.

If something does not seem to be working, get alongside them again. Ask them what you could be doing differently, rather than assuming the concept itself is flawed.

Understand your purpose.

While there may well be people who get into MLM because they genuinely enjoy the challenges of the sales process, most sign up in this business because it had potential to help then achieve something big in their personal finance and in their lives.

Whether these people saw the potential to provide for their families, to create a financially secure future for themselves, or just to finally be debt-free, there is something in the original opportunity that inspired them to get involved.
Their own purpose. 

A big part of motivating people to do the work that needs to be done in MLM is keeping that purpose at the forefront of their minds. If a person wants to get there, he or she got to do what it takes.

Stay positive.

Achieving MLM personal finance success is related to developing the ability to stay positive.

Like anything else, there will be ups and downs along the process. Staying positive through the downs would not just make you more successful in the long run; it will make life far more enjoyable while you are getting there.

There you have it. The three keys to developing an attitude that will lead you to your MLM personal success.

The great thing about attitude determining your success? It is the one thing you have complete control over. You may not be able to do anything to change your company’s business structure, compensation plan, product or training systems, but you can always change your attitude.
 
Make a commitment to yourself. Learn what you need to learn to change what you need to change. Your MLM personal finance success will depend on it.

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