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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?

Is attraction a matter of chemistry?

Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.

Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.

Does personality figure in sexual attraction?

Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”

So how does attraction figure in business relationships?

You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a business relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a Business relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration or opinon. Shared values, working on projects, and passions become more significant in long-term business relationships.

So should I stop trying to become attractive?

More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Looking good is always a plus but remember that attraction can wear  off and what do you have left the emotional state of attraction. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself, bad business ethics, emotionally unstable? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and integrity. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. Attraction becomes from the core person you are and will attract others that want to be associated with. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person which will attract others.

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When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway

45 year old Judy revealed in an anger management class that she was constantly angry at her husband.  When asked why, she revealed that the fact that she has a home based business that she is building has always conflicted with her on whether to spend time with her husband or to create a better quality of  life for the family.

She loved her husband but she also enjoyed what she was doing to contribute to the family. She felt he was create a better quality of life, more money and more time. However she resented her husband becoming more demanding and upset when she spent needed time with her business instead of being with him.

Judy revealed that she dealt with the situation by ignoring her husband when he expressed displeasure – with disastrous results. These included constant bickering and tension in the home as well as emotional distance from each other.

How much better the outcome would have been had Judy used basic skills of assertive communication.

What is assertive communication?

It is a way to communicate to your friends, your team and to your family your rights, feelings and needs- but in a good way. It is a method of letting peopel know where you stand on things and what your limits and boundaries are.

Assertive communication allows you to clarify communication and stand up for yourself without making things worse or getting a negative result or response from your team and loved ones.

Four Steps to Assertive Communication:

Step 1- Send clear messages

Turns out Judy had never clearly told her husband how she felt when he put pressure on her to spend time with him instead of her buisness. When she did discuss it, she hemmed, hawed and stammered with almost no eye contact.

As a result her husband was not getting a clear message. To communicate clearly, look at your posture and your facial expressions, as well as your hand and arm movements. Pay special attention to your tone of voice which can say volumes beyond your words. Research shows that Only 7% is conveyed in the words we use. 38% is conveyed in the voice, it’s quality, use of tone and inflections and 55% of communication is conveyed by the body language we use, i.e.; Use of eye contact, gestures and facial expressions.

Step 2 – Learn how to listen

Assertive people have developed their listening skills. While hearing is done with your ears, true listening is done with your heart. To be a better communicator, start by becoming a better listener. God has created us with one mouth but 2 ears and 2 eyes. That is what i calla clue! it is better to listen and see then it is to talk. Listen with your heart feel the emotions of others.

Much silence makes a powerful noise. proverb

Step 3 – Start the conversation with “I feel” rather than “you should.”

Words have tremendous power to determine how other people experience us, and how they respond to an issue. For this reason, people with good assertive communication skills focus on the problem behavior (and not the character of the person), stick to the point, don’t use labels, and make “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

Judy tried this with her husband and it worked very well.  Here is what she said: “Honey, I love you and want to be with you, but I also want to work to help contribute to the family. Could you get along without me for a hour or two a night? I’ll try to always be done by 8:30 PM.”

The best time to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. Josh Billings

Step 4 – Acknowledge your part in the conflict or issue

Anger is often an escalating process, involving two people who create a negative feeling in each other, sometimes instantly and sometimes over a long period of time.

It is natural to blame another family member entirely for the problem, especially when we are angry or in a defensive mode.

But, once we return to normal, the assertive communicator is able to accept some of the responsibility for the conflict. This acceptance and acknowledgement of your contribution to the problem is an indication of emotional maturity and can create an entirely different atmosphere between conflicting issues.

Try saying the following things to promote communication:

– My reactions were too extreme. I’m sorry. – Even though I still feel I was right about the issue, my reaction wasn’t right and I apologize. – I never thought of things that way. – Let me start again in a different way. – I can see my part in all this.

To Judy’s delight, when she practiced saying some of these things to her husband in a loving way, he began changing too. Almost immediately, he became less demanding, more understanding, and more aligned with her so both of them could work the buisness together.

Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. J. Isham

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What can you do to accelerate your MLM network marketing business during the Holiday season and gets it going during what most people think as the “sluggish time” of the year for network marketing?

mlm christmasHere are some things you can do for your MLM network marketing success during the holidays.

1. Fruit baskets.

You can get inexpensively small fruit baskets, put  samples of your prodcut or coupons in basket and decorate it in the colors of your MLM network marketing company.

Include an invite to a seminar that they can attend at not cost. Give them out to friends, neighbors, associates, clients, customers, and family. You will glad you did.

2. Holiday audio cards.

Send out with your Christmas cards a CD you recorded especially for that person, and wish them happy holidays. Then tell them you would love to chat with them at the start of the year because you want to give them the gift of success.

3. Customer appreciation party

This is a great way to introduce the concept of MLM network marketing success to these folks.
Hold a holiday customer appreciation luncheon or reception.
 
You can do this at your home. Simply invite your best MLM customers to a holiday appreciation event, and make them the superstars of that party.

Have small gifts for them, and let them know how much you appreciate their business. Then ask them for referrals for the coming year. You will get them from every single person who was at that event.

4. Holiday upline open house.

If you have an organization, you could either open your house or someone who has a sizeable home and invite your MLM network marketing distributors to an open house.

Have them bring guests. Have a party that celebrates the holidays but is sponsored by your company. Let it be a fun social with music and games, and then connect with the guest to follow up in January.

5. Neighborhood holiday mailer.

Go to the library, and look in the cross-reference index for your address. You will notice there are a ton more in that index that are in your neighborhood.

Make a copy of the addresses, as they are your neighbors, then send them a Christmas card introducing yourself as their neighborhood rep, and wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy new year.

Then follow up in January and see if you can set an appointment to chat with them about your MLM networking products. Telephone numbers are included on the cross-index reference guides found in your library. You are their neighbor, and that gives you some instant connection with them.

6. Visit community holiday functions.

The thing is to connect, connect and connect.
You need to connect to new prospects during the holidays and community functions are a great way to do this. Get out and become a “holiday MLM network marketing machine.”

Network and meet people and make new friends and give away something to them as a holiday gift. Make sure every person you talk to has a gift and your card. And that you have some form of contact info as well. Check your Sunday newspaper for where these events are.

7. The holiday success card.

Send people you know, and also prospect a seasonal card, and include within it an article about success, goal setting, leadership, time management, or any other success oriented topic. This will set you apart from the rest.

Rock your MLM network marketing business during the holidays. You will be surprised at what might happen to your business.

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Worry, frustration, confusion, sleeplessness and fear are all components of the chaotic mind, making just one simple goal difficult to achieve and hindering success.

There is no success in a mind of chaos.  One needs to attain peace and calmness in the mind in order to encourage positive thoughts.

Normally one finds it very difficult to manage and control the mind. Sometimes, one may feel that the mind is similar to a balloon, blown by the wind, taken to any direction and circumstance the wind takes it. When things come out well, the mind is contented, but when things go badly, instantly the mind becomes very unhappy.

Because the mind and one’s emotions are connected, a disturbance in one will distract the coordination and harmony of the two. For instance, when one gets the result or the relationship that he wants, such as a partner, a job promotion or a new car, one bonds to it very tightly.

However, because often, these possessions and relationships are uncontrollable, the moment that one is separated from all these causes so much pain.   And all the negative emotions causes chaos.

Such mood fluctuations arise for the main reason that one is closely attached with the outside situation. However, when the mind is relaxed, one makes an inner room and clearness which enables one to control and manage the mind despite the external situation.

Gradually one develops mental balance, which is a state of the mind that is happy and positive always; confused mind moves back and forth between the intemperance of despondency and excitement.

In meditation, one can achieve a peaceful and calm mind that is free of worries and anxiety, so one can experience happiness, encouraging and attracting positive behavior; a chaotic mind, only attracts negative feelings and behavior, therefore it is a barrier to setting and achieving goals. 

Chaos in the mind

With a chaotic mind one will have a hard time experiencing happiness, even when one is already in the best of circumstances.  Constant meditation trains the mind to gradually be more and more cheerful and peaceful, eventually experience balance and happiness, being able to stay positive even in the most complicated or worst situations.  This is a state of mind that is very crucial to achieving success. 

The mind is like a station, sending out energy or power signals (your beliefs and thoughts). These energy and power patterns are then grasped by the subconscious mind that is responsible for creating the circumstances, situations and events to assist one in achieving what one’s beliefs, thoughts and goals are.

The subconscious mind never distinguishes what is bad or good for you; it only acts on what instructions it receives from the conscious mind, meaning what your thoughts and beliefs are. 

So while there is that desire in you that you want to accomplish a certain goal, if you do not truly believe and truly trust that will be able to, if you, with your chaotic mind constantly think about the reason why you can not achieve something rather than why it will be easy for you to do it, then you will be sending instruction to your “subconscious mind” to establish certain circumstances in which it will be difficult for you to accomplish your goals. 

This is the reason why negative thoughts should be eliminated and only entertain positive thoughts, all the time.

Constant positive affirmations likewise attract positive situations, and influence the subconscious to create a situation favorable to you.  Affirmations are positive thoughts spoken with great trust, faith and absolute power that what you say, you will accomplish.

Remember, first and foremost to keep a focused mind and never entertain negative thoughts.  However, should a negative thought enter your mind, block it off with positive thinking and never, never affirm it.  For like the chaotic mind, verbal affirmations can greatly affect your attitude towards accomplishing your goals.

Never be a prisoner of the chaos in your mind.  Release all those hurts, frustration and anger that you feel deep inside. Look at the world in a different point of view and believe that you can accomplish anything as long as you have faith in you that you can.

 There is no success in chaos, and chaos will not lead to success.  It is balancing the mind, releasing all stress that the mind feels, letting go of all negative thoughts and making a clear image of the life that you want to live, can there be success.

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“Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts” (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

Long before psychology came around, God said “Your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your actions”. If you want to change your life, you’ve got to control the way you think. Talk to any leader, successful person or motivational speaker and they will teach you this founding principle. Why is that? Could it outoforderbe true?

Our minds are really an amazing creation. It would take a computer the size of a small city just to carry out the basic functions of your brain. Your brain contains over one hundred billion nerve cells. Each individual cell is connected with ten thousand other neurons.

In addition, you’re constantly talking to yourself–all the time. Your mind is talking to you! You’re talking to yourself right now. Research indicates that most people speak at a rate of 150 to 200 words per minute, but the mind can listen to about 500-600 words a minute. That’s why you can listen to me and plan today’s dinner at the same time.

In fact, our internal dialogue–the conversation we have with ourselves–is at a rate of 1,300 words per minute. How? Because our mind sees in pictures, and you can see a thought in a nano-second!

The problem is a lot of us are like Job, who says, “Everything I say seems to condemn me” (Job 9:20 GN). He is saying, in effect, “Everything I say puts me down.” If you are typical to the human race, you are your own worst critic.

We’re always putting ourselves down. We walk into a room smiling, but inside we’re thinking, “I’m fat. I’m dumb. I’m ugly. And I’m always late!”  We are a society of making assumptions and 99% of the time we assume negative first. We never think the positive side first to our assumptions.  We assume this is what people see us as and because of that we program our selves to fill this is true. I came across a quote once and not sure who said but I have always thought back to it. “Peoples opinion of me do not become my reality” Walk in to a room and say “I’m incredible person. I’m Bright, I’m an attractive person. And I am on time.

What is interesting is that society helps program our minds to assume these thoughts. The things we watch, the people we hang out with, or the people we listen to or admire help program us from an early age. We may have been around some one who once ridiculed some one else and felt that maybe this is what others are thinking of me. I have always said that if I showed up to where you lived and dumped garbage all over your living room floor you would be extremely up set at me. If this is the case why do we let ourselves and others dump garbage into our mind?

God wants us to stop putting ourselves down. When you put yourself down, who are you really putting down? When you say, “I’m fat. I’m dumb. I’m ugly. I’m no good. I have no talent,” you’re really pointing to the Creator who made you. When you say, “God, I’m worthless. I’m no good. I can’t do anything,” you’re saying, “God, you blew it with me.” That’s why God says it’s wrong to put yourself down.

How do you eliminate negative self-talk so you can become a more confident person?

The Bible teaches the principle of replacement: “Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right . . . Think about all you can thank God for and be glad about” (Philippians 4:8 TLB).

In other words, don’t think about all those weaknesses in your life. Focus on who God wants you want to be and on what God wants to do in your life. I don’t know any better antidote to low self-esteem (or to facing your hurts, habits, and hang-ups) than to read God’s word every day: study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and apply it in your life.

There isn’t a better thing you can do to raise your confidence level than to start believing what God says about you. As I read through the Bible, chapter by chapter, I find a verse that speaks to me. I write it down on a card, memorize it, and then I start affirming it back to God. “Father, thank you that I am valuable; I am significant; I am forgivable; I am capable.” Let God renew your mind because “your life is shaped by your thoughts” (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

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Things change unpredictably in everyone’s world. There is no pattern to many of the changes in our world. Forecasting and long-range planning are high-risk activities. Today we cannot guarantee more of the same of anything. About the only prediction we can safely assume is that things will always change!

caose

 

In this “Age of Unreason,” to use Charles Handy’s term, we must learn to think upside-down, inside-out, and backwards in order to cope with this unpredictable environment. The business writer Tom Peters calls this ability: “Thriving on Chaos.” To succeed, you must do more than cope with change, you must capitalize on it! Every change is an opportunity in disguise. Since you can’t stop change, you must learn to take advantage of it. Here are three suggestions.

 

1. Keep a positive attitude toward change. Although not all changes are good, we do have the freedom to choose our attitude. Change, even when it is negative, can be an ally if you take advantage of it and use it for good

2. Never stop learning. Never think you know it all. Stay humble and you’ll be surprised who you can learn from—friends, neighbors, kids, employees, clients, business associates and competitors, etc.

3. Stay flexible! Before glass bottles were invented, wine was kept in canteens made of animal skins. As they aged, they’d become brittle and crack from new wine that was still fermenting.  Here was his point: When faced with change, we must adjust or we’ll explode!

These are some basic principals to help maintain the chaos in your world

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“If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you. ”

There are helpful ways and harmful ways to release your anger. For instance, sometimes we’d rather remain angry than admit to our anger.anger-management

Keep in mind: anger is not necessarily wrong. It only becomes wrong if we release it in a way that is inappropriate or destructive. My experience is that most of us learned to express our anger when we were two or three years old, and we’re still expressing our anger in the same way as adults. Needless to say, this simply doesn’t work.

Most people express their anger in such a way that they end up farther away from their goal than they were before they became angry. Anger, expressed inappropriately, has the opposite effect of producing the intended results.

Blowing up at people never produces lasting change; it only produces more anger and alienation. We know that but we still do it. It doesn’t produce lasting change.

Something to keep in mind is that anger is never really the root problem. It is usually a symptom that reveals one of three things that is happening: hurt, fear, frustration. These are the three things that make us angry, and this is why we should always stop and cool down. It allows us to think:

– Am I hurt?
– Am I afraid? Perhaps feeling threatened, or that I’m going to lose something of value?
– Or, am I frustrated?

Understanding the source of your anger will help you respond in an appropriate manner, so that your anger does not “lead you”.

“A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it” (Proverbs 29:11 TLB).

When you’re angry, don’t respond impulsively. Delay is a great tool in controlling anger. I’m not saying delay indefinitely, or even beyond a day; the Bible says don’t go to sleep when you’re angry. I’m talking about delaying it for five minutes.

When you start to get ticked off, you take ‘time out’ for a few minutes. Give yourself some time to stop, reflect and think it through. If you don’t stop and think, you are likely to do the wrong thing. You need to reflect before you respond.

When we get angry, we need to get in the habit of stepping back, waiting a few minutes, and looking at the situation from God’s point of view. Notice the Bible says a wise man lets his anger cool down (Proverbs 29:11). So ‘cool it’ is a Biblical term! A modern translation might be: “The wise man waits and chills out.” Thomas Jefferson, the author of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, said, “When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.”

While you’re cooling down, ask yourself three questions to help you understand why you are angry:

– Why am I angry?
– What do I really want?
– How can I get it?
– What will being angery do for me?

Understanding the reason for your anger will give you greater patience and, perhaps, even the ability to overlook an offense (Proverbs 19:11).

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